It’s easy to let a negative experience – such as a conflict or disagreement – bring you down and dampen the rest of your day. As I’ve said before, our thoughts produce feelings, feelings produce actions, and actions determine the rest of your day. And if a negative experience fills your mind with negative thoughts – anger, sadness, frustration – your mood can quickly spiral out of control and you lose your inner peace.
But it doesn’t have to. We all have more control over our minds than we think. With practice and focus, you can start to detach yourself from the experiences that threaten to bring you down.
The stories we tell ourselves
In every interaction we have, we tell ourselves a story. We paint a right and a wrong. And as we must always be right, the other party is inevitably always wrong.
The story you write in any given moment will impact your emotional state. It will evoke a certain feeling. For example, if a friend says something that hurts your feelings. You might be quick to conclude that your friend thinks they’re better than you, based on their consistent commentary about your life. You may even go as far as thinking they don’t really want to be friends with you anymore.
When in reality, it might have been a miscommunication, misunderstanding, or they simply spoke without thinking and hadn’t even realised you took offence. More often than not, people are exposing how they actually feel about themselves dressed up in comments about us that we take personally.
But the story you write will generate feelings that impact your entire body. You’ll enter the lower vibrational energies of sadness, anger, or resentment. We are physically weaker when we’re out of alignment. You’re descending into a weaker, more vulnerable state simply because you’ve convinced yourself you know exactly what is going on. Your physical state and strength is based on a hypothetical story.
Fight or flight
Force only comes up when we feel some sort of powerlessness, such as the negative emotional states. We shout, push, and get angry as a defence. You feel sad and frustrated, so you lash out.
When we lose our inner peace, our ‘fight or flight’ response kicks in. And this could result in you partaking in angry confrontation, freezing, running away, or any other stress-response. Either way, you’re falling further into low emotional states. You’re acting out of a negative space, with negative intent, to a negative end.
But the minute you get stroppy, defensive, or angry in a conflict, you’ve lost it. Your inner peace and strength is gone. You’re not in your power, but rather trapped in a negative state of being. Instead, you need to rethink, realign, and reestablish yourself.
Doing the work to better control your emotional states allows you to feel less impact when negative experiences occur. You can let things wash over you.
In an argument where we can keep ourselves detached, we navigate it much more successfully. We don’t get annoyed, but instead stay peaceful, free, and able to express ourselves. We stay confident that we got our point across and have acted appropriately. We experience real power, inner peace, freedom of being, and freedom of expression. We feel empowered to stay in an emotional state that works for us – one that’s positive and productive.
Conflict is never easy. One argument can easily bring your entire day or week down. But, with the right focus and by putting in the work to better understand your thoughts and behaviours, you can begin to take control of how you respond to conflict. One day, you can be the solid, stable boat while the storm rages around you. You can sit anchored, calm, and peaceful in the face of chaos and negativity.
Together, we can empower you to take ownership of your mindset, thoughts, and behaviours. We can remove the barriers and bad habits that hold you back from living the fulfilled, successful, and truly happy life you’ve always wanted. If you’re interested in working together, get in touch to schedule a conversation with me here.